Haven't posted here in a few weeks, probably because time has been short of late, though as is usual, much of that lack of time is my own fault for not spending it as wisely as it should be.

Anyway, this last weekend, I had a most enjoyable time at the medieval festival at the University, participating in both a living chess match and a mock "Fight the Knight" venue to raise money for the GNT retreat. For the event, I decided to upgrade to a decent costume this time around, which was generally thought to be pretty cool by passerby at the festival. Even though I'm sure I looked ridiculous, I also went to dinner at Damon's in the getup, and later to a party because I didn't feel like spending the time to get out of the stuff.

The living chess match featured a rather interesting cast of characters, Narnia against Lord of the Rings, with Lewis and Tolkien as the chessmasters. The quality of the play was rather humorous, especially after an error was made at some point, leaving the chessmasters to wing the rest of the moves on the fly. Although Lord of the Rings was scripted to win, in the fudged combination of moves that followed, Narnia pulled off the surprise upset. Yours truly was playing Eomer as a pawn, and in the process took out Reepicheep (a knight) and Peter (oddly a pawn), while being struck down by Lucy (a bishop).

The "Fight the Knight" event was very fun, as we offered kids the chance to fight either among themselves, or with one of us. In total, we had 6 fighters during the course of the day, myself, a fair lady and her son, another gentleman, and two nuns. If you've never seen a nun in a habit fighting with a duct-tape covered fake sword against a kid with the same weapon, in the rain, on a slightly muddy field, you're missing out. I ended up being the personal favorite of one kid, who convinced his parents to give him about $5 or $6 in $1 increments to fight me repeatedly throughout the afternoon. The local paper immortalized the scene by splashing a picture of us on the front page of the Sunday paper, where it appears that I am making a leaping blow to the head. Thankfully my name has been thoroughly misspelled in the caption. Nothing quite like making a complete fool of yourself, enjoying it, and finding yourself as front page news, only to have the cloak of anonymity provided by a reporter who cannot read his own notes.

- Posted by at 5:05 PM

Today is the 5-year anniversary of 9-11. I don't tend to be very good with memorials (last year's effort is still an unpublished entry), but an idea has come to mind, so I am going to run with it and hope that it turns out well. This entry is not going to take the form of a memorial but a confession. I hope it will in the end be a worthy tribute to those who died. It is also made a bit late in the day, but better late than never.

Confiteor Deo omnipotenti...

Five years ago, on Tuesday morning, I left my dorm room to attend a recitation, scheduled for 9 am. At the time I left, there had been no word of anything out of the ordinary. The class itself was a sort of shelter, as there were no cell-phones, windows, or news reports that were able to reach us. By the time the recitation was over, toward 10, everything had already taken place, and one of the towers was down prior to my first hearing of the news. The concept of one of those buildings collapsing, as told on the radio, was unable to match in any way what was being shown on television. Most of the rest of the day consisted of watching the news, surfing the internet, and attending a hastily arranged memorial service at the University parish that evening.

Beatae Mariae semper Virgini...

I would like to say that 9/11 was in some way a personal milestone, something with life-changing influence. But this is not the case...aside from the aforementioned memorial service, where some of the hymns were particularly haunting, there was very little effect on a personal level. The only direct impact that it had on me, in hindsight, was purely passive, in that some things being planned prior to that day were postponed and never pursued further afterward. While that is a net benefit in the long-run, it's not one in which I had an active hand.

So why would the defining event of this generation leave so little impact? Partly, this was because I knew no one who had been killed or injured or even there on that day, nor was anyone to whom I was close. The other side of the coin was a distinct inability to empathize with those who had actually lost someone or were otherwise affected.

Beato Michaeli Archangelo, beato Ioanni Baptistae, sanctis Apostolis Petro et Paulo, et omnibus Sanctis...

This coldness of heart was not a new thing at that time. Someone reading between the lines of some of my english papers during middle and high school would notice the theme is present more than a few times. Occasionally it was explicit when a poem was required. It is hard to say exactly when this hardness of heart began, only that I know on introspection it extends back a long time, with traces at least as far back as 16 years in memory, and is the result of a long accumulation of psychological wounds that were never treated and which to some extent have never healed. Faith might have helped, had it been in any way actively lived at the time. As it was, the wounds of those years were simply absorbed and kept to myself. A situation ripe for the tempter, who bided his time well, looking for an opportunity.

His chance came one day, some seven or eight years ago. The circumstances, objectively, were innocent enough. Two people were simply doing their job as best and as fairly as they could. And yet, despite their efforts, they unknowingly inflicted an injustice that was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak, a betrayal by one of the last pillars of support I had at the time. Though trivial in nature, I was unable to deal with or accept what had happened. And somewhere in the internal chaos that followed, Satan found his way in, and had plenty to work with.

Quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa...

The most deadly of the seven sins is pride, for good reason. It was the vehicle by which Satan fell, and as I have recently discovered, the driving force behind my own sins as well. Dietrich von Hildebrand writes of a sort of pride he calls Satanic, a pride characterized by a personality “lacerated by a deep disharmony; a corrosive venom pervades [its] entire life; and all the gratification [it] derives from whatever flatters [its] pride is unable to provide…with any genuine inner happiness, any blissful peace.” I would also characterize it as having a consuming hatred that desires to destroy others when offended, even if it destroys itself in the process. It also happens to be paired with another unfortunate quality, that of the self-righteous desire to see redress for wrongs aimed at oneself.

Although the nickname Justice was not picked on the basis of the virtue itself, it is reflective of a desire within to redress certain wrongs of the past. But while the virtue itself deals with the idea of rendering to each their due, it has been corrupted within to more of a desire for vengeance and retribution, a problem that still remains.

Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, beatum Michaelem Archangelum, beatum Ioannem Baptistam, sanctos Apostolos Petrum et Paulum, et omnes Sanctos...

So where am I going with all of this? There is a similarity this problem shares with the perpetrators of the terrorist attacks five years ago. They also were involved with the death of others, to the point of destroying themselves as well. The point? The Satanic characteristic behind both instances.

Whenever there is a situation where hatred is so strong as to will the destruction of others, the demonic element is there, mirroring the will of the one who chose to suffer an eternity of loss and compounds it daily by trying to drag as many men as he can with him to the abyss. Islamic terrorists, in my opinion anyway, mirror in a lot of ways the same basic faults listed above - the hatred of the West, the self-righteous opinion of themselves and their view of Islam, and their willingness to be judge and executioner, even if they kill themselves in the process.

But like Satan himself, this sort of thing does not like to let the mask slip too often. Rarely, if ever, does the evil within get revealed in the direct presence of others. It has only really come off when alone or when I have the cloak of anonymity. Even so with others who actually carry out their dark plots - few saw it coming, and not infrequently do you hear people saying the perpetrator was a "good guy." No, we are not, though the façade can be rather convincing at times. While mental insanity can be a cause at times, I do not think either those terrorists or myself suffer from the inability to know what we are doing. Even though we may have cast reason aside, as I often do when racked by these internal demons, the will is pointed in the wrong direction, and in this lies both sin and moral culpability.

This is a lesson in human nature to take from this attack. There can be no peace with those who are driven by this sort of destructive pride. I know from personal experience - even though I have not and likely will not ever attempt to destroy someone in deed, in thought, within the darkest corners of the mind, friend and foe, stranger and closest friend have been subjected to a hatred that would put some of the world's worst men to shame. It is only by the grace of God that a barrier exists within, a last restraint against bringing any of them into reality. Even so, I strongly suspect it was given on the spot when that line was in danger of being crossed, as it was on several occasions.

When that barrier is not present, you have a ticking time bomb, something waiting to explode when the opportunity presents itself. Reason, peace, and diplomacy are unlikely to provide any help in the matter. Reason is often not in charge internally, or if it is, only to the extent that it can further along the plans of pride. It cannot be pacified, as even I can attest sometimes it only makes the situation worse, as a weakness is exposed that is then all-out attacked.

So how best to deal with someone like this? A good first step is to take them seriously while not being intimidated by anything they might happen to say. This might be called simultaneously calling a bluff and communicating that even if it’s not a bluff, you’re not going to be pushed around. In the end, there's really only three ways to stop someone who is committed to carrying his plan into reality - he changes his mind, his plans are thwarted, or he is stopped altogether, whether by imprisonment or death. Refusing to be intimidated, or by the same token, making a show of strength, can work toward changing their mind directly. Thwarting the plans consists of keeping careful tabs on suspicious activity and making every effort to disrupt their plans - in other words, a concerted, consistent, and active defense. Stopping them - admittedly I have death more in mind here than imprisonment - is the offensive side of the response, and is what should be the intended goal of the war on terror in Iraq and Afghanistan. As crass as the remark is, I sort of have to agree with a line found in the online comic 8-Bit Theater - "corpses are remarkably non-violent."

The last thing in the world to do though is to try and give the impression of weakness in the face of such evil. Evil loves weak targets because they are so much easier to overrun. Every action that undermines the response to terrorism, be it pacifism, the myth of Islam being a religion of peace, leaking of classified anti-terror programs, refusing to fight the war that is already being fought against the West, slanted news coverage, Bush hatred, propping up corrupt leaders abroad, half-hearted measures, or whatever, the only thing that will result is the enemy gaining strength and confidence from the show of weakness.

Orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum. Amen.

The past cannot be undone, but the present offers the constant opportunity to change course. A quote in a book of meditation today provides a useful last remark for this post. The quote is taken from the Talmud (showing that even ecumenism by the Jesuits bears fruit now and then): "God says to us: by thy very wounds I will heal thee." A broken spirit is an offering acceptable to God, says the 51st Psalm, one that consoles me often. But I am also reminded by the recalling of Matthew 5:23-24 today that I cannot make that offering unless I have first forgiven all that has been done against me.

It is amazing how much the memory retains of such things. But hopefully, in letting go of them, I can finally be freed of an evil that has so long held me fast and which, but for the grace of God, is not so very far from the evil present in those who 5 years ago believed that the murder of some 3000 people was, in their twisted minds, a good and righteous act.

- Posted by at 11:17 PM

Walmart, the store that has everything, has something I've been searching for for almost 2 years now. Some may remember when I broke one of my favorite classical recordings during my last year of undergraduate studies, noting that the album didn't even seem to exist online.

I discovered some months ago that the recording had been re-released by another label, but was since out of print again and in limbo, since ownership had again changed hands. Up until now, I'd hesitated to buy it from the handful of listings on the internet because the asking price was between $23 and 38 pounds for a CD that originally retailed at $7. I'm not sure how Walmart still had a copy of a 6-year old CD floating around, but assuming they actually do, I will get it at essentially the $7 retail price after shipping. Now that's a bargain.

- Posted by at 6:12 PM

Back in Steubenville safe and sound. Also, I passed my road test yesterday on the first time and now have a driver's license. So far, this is a good start to the weekend. The new monitor should be in on Monday.

- Posted by at 7:00 PM

In a fitting whirlwind conclusion to my summer break, I am now packing things back up while trying to get in enough practice to pass my road test the first time out. I may have set a record in terms of how long I've held a learner's permit before actually trying, as well as a record for the least amount of time driven during the more than 7 years I've held it. The test, due to some incompetence faced in this process, will be out in Olean, a nearly 66 mile hike from home.

Saturday is the move back to Franciscan, which hopefully will not be too bad since I didn't bring as much home this summer. My monitor is trying to make me fret however, as it chose yesterday to start acting up every time the power is switched on.

Meanwhile, for those heading over to Franciscan University for the first time, I will be part of the orientation crew, all of whom are liable to stand out due to the color of our shirts. Since I'll be with the GNT group, the people most likely to see me are older undergraduates and those going for Master's degrees. However, if you happen to spy a guy wearing the orientation aide shirt and a blue St. Benedict's cross next weekend, feel free to say hello.

- Posted by at 4:38 PM

Well, I'll say this for vacation - at least I figured out what the problem is, thanks to a little reading of Deitrich von Hildebrand. That said, it will be anything but pleasant or easy to fix it. More on this another time...

In other news, I did finish reading Anne Rice's 2005 novel Christ the Lord. While there were some parts that seemed a bit iffy, particularly where she was borrowing from the non-canonical texts, on the whole, it was a decent effort that was enjoyable. Unexpectedly, her tale is very patriarchally oriented, and her Mary is more a typical woman from those days than even I probably would envision.

I have also picked up a new book called The Virtue of War, which looks at the Christian traditions of both the East and West regarding the issue, with the aim toward countering the pacifist movement. I'll post more on that when I've had a chance to read some of it.

Update 8/12: For some reason, this was left in the queue. Publishing now.

- Posted by at 4:27 PM

Currently on vacation in Virginia for the next week. Hopefully returning refreshed and in a better state of mind.

- Posted by at 11:35 PM

I'm stil here, I just haven't felt much inclined to post things of late.

In old news, the aforementioned take home final went rather well. I never expected it to run to the 11 pages single-spaced that it did, but it was worth it, since the grade that came back was just fine. I did have a slight scare when I realized that the person to whom I had e-mailed it to give to the professor was out of town, but the guardian angel must have been on the ball that day, since the person I called to double-check on things knew he was away and alerted me in time to get a copy to the prof before the deadline.

Less fortunate is the continued inability to reach the professor who found problems with my work. At this point, I have no further information about how I went awry in my papers than I did when I first found out the mark, which is particularly irksome since I was there for 2 and a half weeks and the professor couldn't find the time to either meet with me or return the papers. I'm not quite sure what to make of this, although hopefully I will get answers in the fall, though personally, it should never take that long for a professor to return feedback, particularly when it seems by word of mouth I am the only one who received anything near that mark.

Soccer continues on as it has the past 8 years, this time happily with a raise (for the first time since I started way back in 1998). It is a bit ironic that my league merged with another one only to end up with a smaller house program than ever, but hopefully they'll get bigger over time. Hopefully the players also acquire better manners, although that may be asking too much.

Things at home are somewhat of a mixed bag, although it should end up being a very pleasant summer stay. Minor repair projects continue, as my parents are in the midst of a replacement cycle, where all the appliances and decor are gradually being replaced. The driveway is surprisingly on this year's list, as about a third has been rebuilt and repaved. Various other work on fencing, landscaping, sidewalks, and painting is also planned.

Plans are in the works for a summer book list (hopefuly to be done by the 21st), consisting mainly of the books my professors gave me to read this past year. Several were really awesome, but I just haven't had the time until now to really write up the blurb.

- Posted by at 10:03 PM

I made it back home in one piece and amazingly with all the things I wanted to take home. Things looked a little tight when I learned my parents would be arriving with a Chevy Malibu instead of a mini-van or van. However, I managed to pack well this time, and with clever packing skills by my parents and disassembling my bike, we were able to fit the computer box, a TV, one crate, two duffel bags, the bike, and a couple small bags into the trunk and one seat. I was a little cramped, but more than happy that my prayers were answered that all would fit.

I still have a take-home final to write for Sacraments, but I will write it tomorrow, drawing extensively from my 53-page set of type-written class notes.

- Posted by at 11:00 PM

GOOD REPORT

I just did a periodic checkup on my credit history and found everything to be in order. There were two items I didn't immediately recognize, but a quick check in the wallet and a phone call revealed what they were. In other good news, I had no record of any delinquint payments on the report, which is certainly a plus.

I also got very good news by escaping my two core theology classes with an A- in each, which is quite good, given both professors are rather stingy with their As. A pre-req course also came out with an A.

BAD REPORT

Unfortunately, as sometimes happens, one can bite off too much in a semester, and I paid for it this time out. Oddly enough, the course that suffered was the one I least expected to be a problem, yet another argument for avoiding courses that appear to be soft (see Mathematics of Voting course from last year). My one elective just missed the mark, falling short of the required graduate threshold for credit toward the degree. While the bad news from this is that I now need to take another course down the line - and pay for it as well - while having a bit of dead weight in the GPA, the good news is that it isn't really doesn't hurt that badly, coming as it does in a non-core course. And as a side benefit, the course becomes ineligible for comps, which is just as well, since it would have been a difficult question to prepare for.

Basic lesson learned - 2 to 3 grad courses in a semester is a wise maximum. Right, Andy?

- Posted by at 9:36 PM

Yes, yes, finals are still pressing, but I am due to be liberated shortly. In the meantime, prayers are kindly requested owing to the freakiest coincidence that has ever occurred during my academic career. In a relatively small class, where we had carte blanche in picking a historical event/person to write a 15-20 page paper on, I and a colleague happened to select the same topic (Eastern Schism) and rely heavily on the same two books. Odd as it may seem, Franciscan has only 7 books on the subject in its library, and of these only 4 are pertinent to 1054.

Naturally, relying on the same two principle sources, we had a lot of broad themes in common. I think that since we wrote independently of each other, that fact will reveal itself in the details of our papers and the different secondary sources used. Nevertheless, I can't help feeling that the professor may feel that something fishy is up, given he has 2 papers on the same subject in a class of less than 15 drawing the bulk of their arguments from the same two books. Note to professors - this is why it is a good idea to have students clear their topics ahead of time, to avoid this kind of a situation.

- Posted by at 12:05 AM

Citigroup recently made the decision to sell off its banking operations in Buffalo to M&T Bank, so sometime in the next few months, my accounts should be moved over from Citibank to M&T. I plan, however, on simply closing my account as soon as I get home and setting up the new one at M&T instead of possibly getting signed up for the wrong type of account.

Honestly, this is for the better. M&T at least has a free checking account, which is probably what I'll sign up for once the transfer is made. The only thing I lose is overdraft protection, but honestly, I write so few checks, I'd hardly need that feature.

It still leaves me in the spot of needing two banks, since Steubenville and Buffalo have no banks in common, but at least I won't have to worry any more about heading off Citibank's exorbitant monthly charges.

- Posted by at 3:26 PM

That was the first genuine all-nighter I've pulled in a while. And now, I'm catching a little nap.

On the plus side, my 12-15 page paper on faith and reason is now done, leaving me with 3 papers, with 35-40 pages between them, to do by May 2, followed by a pair of final exams on May 5. Two weeks more, and then hello to summer session.

- Posted by at 12:25 PM

Having now blown the afternoon of one day and the entire daylight of another, mostly spent waiting to have someone look over and make sure the paperwork was in order, I finally have my Ohio taxes ready. The State of Ohio will be sending a whopping $2 refund, the amount they withheld. The City of Steubenville may eventually be writing a check for $8 to return what they withheld. Personally, it wasn't worth the time - I was perfectly willing to let these small amounts go, just because I didn't want to waste the time filling out the forms for $10. Since Ohio was difficult about it and demanded I file, on pain of a possible $500 penalty, I will take great pleasure having them waste their time and resources to cut two measely checks. New York and the IRS were smarter, and neither is requiring me to fill out anything this year.

At least Ohio seems to have caught on and isn't withholding so far in 2006. The City of Steubenville continues to insist on the matter, so this futile exercise is bound to be repeated next year.

- Posted by at 2:26 AM

I hate weeks like this. Little work got done, which is much like last week, which is very annoying, since I am now down to the 4 week warning before big things are due. The four major papers still require 47-55 pages of writing, in addition to the reading of a book for one of them, and research for 2 others which I have yet to start. While it's not time to panic yet, wasting two valuable weeks of time was not helpful.

This weekend will hopefully see most of the exegesis paper get done, particularly since the research work is mostly done there. Next weekend is when I want to get my Ratzinger book review knocked off...and then I can focus on writing my faith and reason paper. Three weeks should hopefully be enough time, though knowing me, it's hardly a sure bet. The history paper, the largest of the bunch, is lowest on the priority list, both because it's worth the least percentage-wise, and also due last of everything.

Meanwhile, there is the question of summer classes. There are two enticing options on the list. First, there's a 3-week mini-session directly after the end of the semester in which I can knock off the graduate class I missed this spring. There is also a 9-week intensive Latin course (equivalent to 12 credits), which is appealing due to my fondness for the language, though if they insist on a fee of $4000 to pay for said credits, that won't be happening anytime soon.

Blogging will definitely be slow for a while. There may yet be a week to March, but I'm already about as stressed as I normally am toward the end of April when finals are approaching.

- Posted by at 1:31 AM

I spent the weekend visiting Andy of CF, a nice way to spend the end of Spring Break, and also to catch up after his recuperation. It's also liable to be the last time I can afford to take a full weekend off for fun for a long time. Close friends are really a joy of life - and fittingly, our last game of Carcassonne, one of my favorite games, ended up an exact tie between us, 247-247 (leaving aside the fact that I sabotaged him with a cathedral late in the game to obtain the tie).

Sidenote - Pittsburgh's roads are miserable. On the way out, we got lost three times, once on a major interchange, twice on a road that actually makes three right turns at intersections. The ride to the Byzantine church this morning involved two problems, caused by an unexpected one-way, another by a road name that forked instead of going straight. Tonight's ride back involved twice getting lost due to the same road that caused problems on the way out. Pennsylvania civil engineers take note - it would be best if continuing straight meant staying on the same route or road name, instead of constantly having to exit or turn to stay on the same road.

- Posted by at 11:35 PM

One of my former students apparently asked, in a later math class, for the instructor to take the integral of my name.

I ruffled more than a few feathers in my day with admittedly Draconian grading policies on math (I graded discrete math for three years; now I tutor it), but I did get at least one person who suffered my red pen thanking me after the fact. For that, I will put up with all the jokes at my expense in the world.

N.B. - Other odd but true fact: despite graduating with my B.S. last May, I never understood the concept of parameterization until tutoring this past fall, when it made sense trying to explain it to someone else.

- Posted by at 3:19 AM

I am trying to fill out income tax returns for the state of Ohio. As this is my first time having to deal with tax forms, I'm slightly confused on how to do this, which isn't made any easier by the fact that I'm not a resident of the state, had taxable wages in another state, had no federal income tax liability but had tax withheld here, but not enough to make it worth going to a tax preparer for help (we're talking about $10 here, but Ohio requires me to file or face a $500 penalty). Frankly I'm not sure why I didn't qualify for a total exemption from the withholding - I make nowhere near the $10000 minimum threshold for tax liability.

If there are any Ohio readers out there who can help me out, an e-mail would be most appreciated.

- Posted by at 12:57 AM

My great grandmother on my mother's side passed away sometime this week. Unfortunately, I knew very little of her, and I doubt I've seen her at all in the last five to seven years. Prayers for her and for the family at the wake would be most appreciated (particularly toward them patching things up).

- Posted by at 3:18 AM

It's been an exhausting last few weeks, and the pace isn't likely to let up much, if any, before the Spring Break begins on March 10. The two major pressing concerns are a 10-page book review on two books on Pope Benedict XVI, and a midterm in Theological Foundations (2 essay questions, I get the set of 8 eligible questions tomorrow), along with reading 4 books (including one of the B16 ones I need to finish), and writing three smaller papers. This weekend will hopefully be when I get back on track as I am now current - more or less - in 3 of 4 classes.

The more distant threat is the 4 research papers looming at the end of April and beginning of May. I've hardly had time to start any of them as yet - Spring Break is probably going to be spent entirely on them. I'm hoping that as I get caught up, more time will be available to spend on these.

In more positive news, however, discipline has picked up, which will doubtless make the stretch run easier. I really don't want this turning into an extended month-long crisis of little sleep, endless work, and broken health, a threat I'm more mindful of these days.

That means posting here will be more infrequent, and probably less in depth.

- Posted by at 10:02 PM

I made it!!!

Yes, this probably doesn't make sense to most people reading this, but it refers to a long personal milestone that's been several years in the making, and which was finally achieved as of today. A few people out there might know what this refers to, although by and large, it would probably come as a surprise.

I am not allowing comments or trackbacks for this post, though you are free to send comments by e-mail if you wish.

- Posted by at 10:52 PM

This morning, at 2:24, marks the end of my 23rd year, and the beginning of my 24th. Given I'm such a night owl, odds are I will be awake to celebrate the moment, even as I prepare for class tomorrow morning. In a pleasant sidenote, I managed to end up on the server schedule for tomorrow, a good way to celebrate a birthday.

I'm still the baby of the GNT crowd (many of whom are several years older), but I do share my birthday - and birthyear - with one of the ladies in the community, so that's a decided plus.

- Posted by at 2:24 AM

After waiting about 2 months for the replacement part for my chair, I was finally able to fix it last night. Ironically, Big Lots Furniture, which sold the chair, is no longer in business here.

The instructions made it look like this was a simple procedure. All I was supposed to do was use a hammer to tap the gas lift out of the base of the chair. About a half hour later, two of us were using the blunt end of a dumbbell trying to get the base loose, and the dumbbell was taking more damage than the pump. In the end, we switched to using a hack saw to saw the plastic base off the pump. We had to saw off more than 3/4 of the central circle before the remainder could be pried off.

Given how resilient that base was to being destroyed - even the legs took blows from the dumbbell without cracking initially - I'm amazed the thing split in the first place. But there is a happy ending, the new base is in now, and the chair will hopefully not break again.

- Posted by at 9:46 PM

Another year gone by already! All in all, this was a pretty good year, closing somewhat on a limping note, although I've been expecting that, and haven't been too worried about it. This New Year's Eve will be a rather quiet family affair, probably capped by some champagne at midnight in the living room.

New Year's Resolutions aren't exactly my strong suit (I believe I only recently accomplished 1 of the 3 items from 2003's list, and that's only if memory serves...), but it never hurts to try again. Since the spiritual and mental houses are finally in order as this year begins, I can work on some smaller projects.

New Year's Resolutions for 2006

- Read the entire Bible this year
- Exercise regularly
- Practice some moderate self-denial

These are pretty modest, and should be within reach, although they are going to require a little bit of effort. I have specific targets in mind for items 2 and 3 to determine success/failure, although I'm keeping those to myself for the moment. If I hit them, I'll post about them later.

Happy New Year!

- Posted by at 10:28 PM

If anyone happens to have the 2006 St. Joseph guide for the Liturgy of the Hours (4-volume set), I am in need of the entries for January 1 to January 15, as I've left my copy in Steubenville. Please e-mail me if you can help.

- Posted by at 2:51 PM

Not only are glasses useful for reducing eye strain while reading (my primary reason for having them, being far-sighted), they are also quite handy for when clothes hangers attack. Today while packing, I was pulling a shirt off a hanger and suddenly there's a loud crack, as the thing whipped off the rack and squarely hit the left lens dead center. The lens doesn't seem that much the worse for the wear, but I don't think my eye would have been doing nearly as well had it been hit.

- Posted by at 5:45 PM

One of the students I tutored this semester was very kind and baked me an apple pie now that the course is over. That was quite touching, and also happens to be the first time I can remember anyone baking something for me, family excepted. I'm hoping the final exam went well, although I suppose receiving a pie is a good indication that it did.

- Posted by at 9:47 PM

It turns out Musicland is planning on closing all its Media Play stores, one of which has been in my hometown for probably a decade or so. That's unfortunate, since it's been one of the places my family liked to shop, but I honestly haven't had any love for them since the company charged my debit card for a Replay membership renewal, but subsequently "lost the paperwork" or whatever and refused to do anything about it.

That's when I just started shopping at Amazon for all my book needs, definitely making up the $15 lost with the card fiasco. Cheaper prices, no register screw ups, no fifteen minutes waiting in line, and definitely no deceptive advertising (Media Play was notorious for having its salesmen not know what the store's special sales were, and often you'd have to argue a bit after pointing them out before they would give you the deal).

- Posted by at 3:31 AM

Well, I took my old bike in to the shop at Dick's to see how much it would cost to repair it. The price tag was $58 minimum, based on a spot inspection the repair guy did with me. We both agreed the rim of the rear tire was pretty well shot ($20), there was rust that would need to be cleaned ($18, though he thought the chain and gears were salvageable), and my own note that the derailleurs would definitely need readjusting ($20). Since the bike itself was originally only $70, I didn't think it was worth the money to repair it.

Now, I went in with a pretty clear strategy if the bill was too high for me to agree to the repairs. I was going to go to Wal-Mart and pick up one of the cheap steel-frame bikes that can always be found at department stores for under $100. I was originally going to do that Tuesday when the bike failed, but because Wal-Mart didn't think I was important enough to send someone to the bike department to get down a bike in a timely manner (5 to 10 minutes, I think), I left.

The salesman, however, grabbed my attention before I left, pointing me to the "clearance" rack on which they had a 21-speed Schwinn bike with an aluminum frame for only $170...and in a color pattern I liked besides. Now, the salesman obviously couldn't have known, but I've been wanting to get an aluminum frame for some time, only I always found them priced a bit high for me to stomach. Since I've priced bikes before, my gut told me this was a good deal, and since I was already in for a major purchase, I decided to buy it instead of going cheap again.

Now I admit, getting myself talked into the 3-year, $50 extended warranty that covers everything but tire wear and the seat may have been a bad decision. On the other hand, I have also busted 2 rims within the last 3 years, meaning $40 of the $50 price would be made up even assuming nothing else goes wrong if my track record holds. And since the last bike was something of a lemon (Magna bike from Target that I swear never changed gears properly as long as I had it), I went along with it.

First impressions were quite awesome - I heard a sound I haven't heard in a long time...just tire riding smoothly on pavement. The gear-shift is the smoothest I've ever had - sometimes, I didn't even hear it shift, I just noticed the change on the pedals. And they worked great on the smaller hills on the route (I'm still not going to attempt to bike up the big one here, I just don't have the endurance to tackle it as yet). Honestly, if it keeps riding as well as it did on the way home, I think I made an excellent purchase.

Sidenote - having just checked online, it seems $220 is the cheapest this particular model sells for, meaning the $170 clearance at the store really was a sale price (incidentally, the retailer's online price is $220), especially if that $250 list price is ever what stores charge for it. It's almost like getting the $50 warranty for free.

By the by, the picture given in the first link is the actual color scheme.

- Posted by at 10:16 PM

I'm quite thankful that when my bike, which has been riding very rough over the last month, finally decided to stop working, it was while it was parked. During the ride out this morning, the tire seemed worse than ever, and pretty much everything with the rear tire was off. After a brief stop, I came out to find the tire rubbing against the brake badly enough to stop it from moving on its own, though it could still turn with the downward force of me being on the bike.

Since I wasn't in a position to have an emergency repair done, I actually made use of my cell phone to get my friends to help me get myself and the bike back home. I might get a price estimate on repairs, but given the bike was caught in the rains of both Katrina and Rita, and got quite a bit of rust off it, it may not be worth it. The bike itself was only $70, and given experience, fixing the rear tire's problems will cost a minimum of $20, more if the rims need replacement (likely). That makes a $100 model at Wal-Mart look especially appealing, and even the $60 models might do (though why anyone would want a seat NOT vertically connected to the frame is beyond me).

- Posted by at 9:02 PM

You Are a Religious Republican

You make up the conservative, Christian, dedicated core of the Republican Party. You believe it's important for religious people to stand up for their beliefs in politics. And for you, this means voting your conscience - which almost always means voting Republican. Your pet causes include the sanctity of life, school vouchers, and prayer in school.

For the sake of nuance, the more appropriate category is just plain conservative, with religious issues being the swing factor, although you would be hard pressed to get me to vote for any Democrat in the Rust Belt, so Republican works out well enough...for now.

- Posted by at 11:46 PM

Grad school can apparently make you sick. One of my friends has been hospitalized the past week with anemia, which doesn't at the moment seem to have any cause except being overworked. That explains why he's been dragging so bad the last couple months.

He should be fine, but prayers are still requested, he'll be in the hospital until Monday.

- Posted by at 10:45 PM

I'm back home, having beat the snowstorm that's supposed to clobber my neck of the woods for the next few days. This little homecoming lasts until Sunday, when it's back off to the university to face the two weeks that determine how the whole semester turns out.

May it be a blessed Thanksgiving for all. I sure have a lot to be thankful for this time around.

- Posted by at 12:29 AM

At this point, I have been up nearly 24 hours. A late night group conversation just ended lasted 9 hours. Although the topics aren't necessarily important, I saw a mirror image of myself in the not too distant past in terms of thoughts and ideas of faith in someone else, ideas which God has more or less been suggesting are off the mark as they are quite critical and dismissive of so much of the Church's recent history that is actually quite orthodox.

Having seen the reflection, I dislike the image. Time to go pray for discernment and dive into the riches of the Church's patrimony...after my papers are done!

UPDATE (11/20): This is why prayer is a good thing. The person aforementioned was just by late tonight to say that they believed there was a point to what we were saying, that there is value in reading modern theological works. That was a very quick response to my intentions offered up today that God might help them see that. I didn't need 9 hours of argument, I only needed a few minutes of prayer.

- Posted by at 7:59 AM

I'm not typically prone to illness, so maybe today's just a bad day, but I've had the weirdest sort of symptoms that don't seem to match up with any sort of cold or flu. If they persist beyond today, I'm going to get them checked out, since I was definitely freaked at one point. Hopefully it's just a case of yesterday's food not agreeing too well with me or something.

- Posted by at 3:53 PM

Tomorrow marks a week since I was struck by this experience. During the week, the feast of All Souls occurred, which took on special meaning as a result, even more so since it occurred on the third day following the subsequent revelation on Monday, and that was also the day I made the needed confession. The readings for the week have consistently brought up personally relevant readings - Psalm 51 in particular has shown up twice. This has also been the first week all term where I have not had any difficulty staying fully alert in class...despite not really having a much different sleeping pattern.

Today, I'll be starting a Marian devotion given as penance, as it's a recommended day to begin...oddly enough, it will begin on a First Saturday and conclude on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, both Marian celebrations in themselves.

After the sort of week it's been, it's almost too absurd to think that the way these days have arranged themselves is coincidental.

- Posted by at 2:19 AM

I won't be around this entire weekend, nor will I be reachable. Since spam has been rather nasty of late, I've switched off comments while I'm gone.

- Posted by at 4:21 AM

The first paper managed to get turned in on time, though admittedly it's not my best work, particularly with the citations and flow, and worse might accidentally have stated a position of Biblical inerrancy incompatible with Catholicism...which, even more embarrasingly, had just been touched upon in lecture barely a week prior.

On the other hand, I got to work putting together a dresser. The assembly of Walmart furniture is extremely tedious (2 hours thus far and I have yet to even begin assembling the drawers), but I think my dad would compliment the work, excepting the one nail I half split through the side in back. Being handy is a healthy source of pride now and again, confirming that I'm not totally inept at any job that requires tools.

- Posted by at 12:27 AM

The absence of blogging has been precipitated largely by falling behind on listening to my lecture recordings and recomposing the notes taken from them.

I haven't done it very efficiently so far, so tomorrow I'm going to try a new strategy to attempt to avoid having to listen to irrelevant portions of the lecture.

Chrisitan Moral Principles is right now by far the most engaging course, and I think will prove the most useful. I will eventually write something concerning a theme from night one, namely:

Agere sequitur esse, namely, the principle that to act follows being.

Anyway, that will probably be it until the weekend.

- Posted by at 11:23 PM

I just managed to get everything in to be moved down, and now it's all sitting in my room in a semi-disordered state waiting to be put in order. Everything seems to be fine, with the minor irritant that Yahoo seems incapable of letting me read my mail today, even though I am now on their DSL service. If this problem continues, I'll have to start using my address over at G-mail.

On an unrelated note, Steubenville is very hilly. So much so that I don't think my bike will be much use here at this point. The hills are way to steep for me to ascend at this point, and some to steep even for me to descend. Going almost 20 mph downhill while applying the brakes is not the greatest feeling in the world.

- Posted by at 5:02 PM

Things are rather busy with packing up for the move. Right now, most things have been packed away, save for a few things in my room. There may be a few days' disruption while I'm moving and unpacking. Then again, there may be no pause at all.

On a bright note, we found a coupon that will save $45 off the moving expenses. That's very nice. I was also given a cake tonight that said "Good Riddance" - something of an odd message from the folks, but what can I say, they're weird. They'll miss me within the week anyway, so it was all in good fun.

- Posted by at 11:36 PM

While cleaning out an old box of junk I've kept in the attic a while (there were materials dating back as far as high school, including my 2001 college entrance stuff), I came across a lock which was last used 3 years ago to keep my chemistry lab materials secure. Despite not having the combination written down anywhere, the numbers returned automatically, and I opened it on the first try. And yet I can't remember more important things, like mailing out my timesheets as early as possible. Talk about a (stupidly) selective memory.

Curiously, this box also contained a copy of a set of Latin lyrics I'd been searching for earlier in the day - it's a subject of a future post - as well as some other neat things. I'm wondering what else I might find as I dig through the boxes.

- Posted by at 11:12 PM

Two weeks from now, if all goes according to plan, I'll be down in Steubenville unpacking. This is going to require sorting through all my stuff and repacking it either for attic storage or for the move. Today I began the process, and ended by having two finished plastic crates - 1 for attic storage (mainly undergraduate texts and other books I don't plan on using this upcoming year), 1 to take with me (entirely books).

By next Friday, my goal is to have everything but day-to-day items all packed away.

- Posted by at 10:07 PM

It turns out my bank does not do business in Ohio. This means I'm almost certainly going to have to open another account when I'm there to keep day-to-day funds on hand. Then I have the fun of trying to manage money between two different banks.

Fortunately, I think Paypal might provide a convenient solution to the mess. I can draw funds from my current account to my Paypal account free of charge, and I can also send funds to a bank account free of charge. Since Paypal gives the option of adding accounts, I think they're going to be used as a go-between to transfer money without any fees in the mix. Granted, this will take 6-8 business days, but it wouldn't be any faster using the online service at my bank, besides the fact that they'd charge $3 per transfer.

- Posted by at 4:18 PM

Well, I came back from the vacation in one piece. It was reasonably relaxing, though most of my reading accomplishments were finished on the way down. I did manage to complete 3 books during the trip, as well as about a third of the Inferno. Manalive was the most engrossing of the books, besides also being short and funny. Meanwhile, I am vowing not to buy another book until I read my current stock, as I added at least a dozen on the trip. This vow is almost certain to be broken when next I enter a bookstore, as I already have 3 more lined up with ISBN numbers from Barnes and Noble, but I'll never stop buying if I don't start trying to stop.

Massachusetts was a bit of a mixed book. The one afternoon visit to Provincetown literally felt like walking in Sodom, as they are very open and showy about their support of gay rights. To judge by their selection in books, the G/L section was always at least as large as religion, if not larger. Had I spotted a church in the town, it would have seemed quite out of place.

Two ironies stick out from that place. One is that a bookseller put the G/L section right next door to the religion books, so that in moving down to the next shelf, one suddenly is stuck by the abrupt change in topic. Given that gay rights is almost a religion unto itself, the placement with religion is quite amusing. The second irony is selling their little Provincetown rainbow postcard in the Pilgrim Memorial Monument. Perhaps their history is a little rusty concerning the Pilgrim moral beliefs, but I think that if the Pilgrims knew the present attitudes of the town, they'd prefer hanging the lot of them.

Hyannis was nothing too special. I had little interest in seeing the JFK memorial to begin with, and when the town's signage gave out by South Street, I ended the half-hearted attempt on that. The town does have a nice Catholic bookstore nestled in it which again is rather out of place given the Cape atmosphere. I spent the majority of my time there.

One of the locals was nice enough to encourage me to leave that wayward state. Along Route 28, it was advised one night to "go the #$&* home!" which didn't sound too bad at the time, given it was not long after visiting Provincetown. Some others also didn't seem to like the tourists much, but given the layout, it doesn't seem like much else sustains the place. I've never seen more Motor Lodges in so short a stretch of road as I did on the Cape.

We did take a little side trip on the way back to visit Auriesville, which has a little shrine to Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha and the North American Martyrs. This shrine has a rather odd Coliseum chapel, circular with 4 altars in the center (at least 2 or 3 of which are still old high altars fixed to the wall) with a native style to it. This chapel dates to 1930 however, so the circular plan isn't some modern innovation. The grounds themselves are rather unique. A little cross with the name Jesus have been put on many of the trees, and several little stone monuments have been put up.

The trip back from Auriesville was however rather unpleasant. Normally, a trip from there back to Buffalo should take, including a lunch break, no more than about 5 hours. But despite leaving at noon, we didn't get home until 8:30, due to a massive jam on the Thruway between Manchester and Canandaigua. The jam itself lasted about 10 to 12 miles over about 2.5 hours, caused by bridge work. Today's jam was so bad, the Thruway was diverting traffic at the 3 exits before the bridge and also waiving tolls at these locations (the last of these was some 30 miles from the work) and warning of delays as far back as Albany, at least 3 hours away.

- Posted by at 11:09 PM

I'm not sure if this is the best post to leave in the queue as my last, but it's 2 am the night before I leave and I am completely burned out.

I hate quitting. I can't stand throwing in the towel personally (though Lord knows I have before), nor do I take it too well when others quit on me, though like dry tinder, I tend to burn bright and hot, but burn out relatively fast these days. I'm not good in a lot of things, nor would I want to be, but get me in on something, and even if I hate it (painting, for example), I'll stick it out. Effort may be my best asset in groups, particularly in sports, even if my output's not up to par.

This tenacity may be the one thing that pulls my rear end out of the fire. I'm in a period of tepidness, just milling through life as though half-asleep. Many things have gone lax and undone, but still, I can't actually bring myself to formally give up on things that should never have been given up in the first place. They're just something that I'll pick back up tomorrow, as I have said for many tomorrows.

The intellect can't pull all the weight for me forever, sooner or later, the rest of me is going to have to get in line to make this work. The mind is ready but the will seems to be out of order for the present, the opposite internal conflict of those whose will is ready but whose minds block the way. Hopefully, with a week's rest, it may finally be repaired and ready to work in tandem with a mind fully made up.

- Posted by at 3:00 PM

Sundays often end up being days of rest, now that I begin the day running up and down a field trying to referee a soccer game solo. For whatever reason, I have rather nasty shin splints, which haven't had the time to heal in between the 4 days a week I referee. I've had the problem in some way or other all 8 years I've been doing this, though this year, at least, the ankle stress seems to have gone away.

At any rate, I usually don't feel like being on my feet much after a game due to the shin splints, although strangely, a nap that turned into 4 hours in the middle of the day was enough to eliminate that feeling today. Just in time to go to a birthday cookout, which was quite enjoyable.

- Posted by at 11:09 PM

I dislike the term "handball" in soccer, because it really fails to describe the nature of the foul and has the extremely annoying habit of drawing coaches to complain (to put it nicely) anytime the ball hits anyone's hand and no whistle goes.

The foul, properly speaking, is deliberate handling of the ball with the hand. That doesn't include inadvertent contact with the hands when they're at the sides or defensive motions (which is most often the case).

You'd think coaches would manage to figure this out, since if it was really illegal for the ball to ever hit the hands of anyone but the goalie, every coach in the world would tell his players to aim at the defense's hands, since it'd be a penalty shot every time they succeeded.

I have the same problem with contact issues. One coach wanted me to watch out for inadvertent contact. Exactly how he was expecting me to penalize that, I don't know - such fouls have to be deliberate in order to be